29. I have finally found a place to live / In the penance of the Lord

Blind Faith—Presence of the Lord

The October day Charles was to move dawned humid and perfect, as usual. There’s nothing like Miami, he thought as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. Especially now that I can afford a condo at the beach.

October had always been a month of reflection for Charles. It seemed that old memories and especially old regrets would surface unbidden all month. For no apparent reason, Charles would find himself dwelling on ancient insults and foolish behavior, unkind words spoken and regretted, feeling again the raw hurt as if it were current. When he had lived in the North, he attributed the timing of these floods of remem­brance to the change of seasons, but here in Florida, in the absence of seasonal cues, the nostalgic rerunning of emotion continued as before. Charles has the worst time with recurring regretful memories in the fall, especially October, and also in the spring. Spring reawakens memory that lies as dormant as the tulip, Charles thought. But when it blooms, its fruit is often bitter.

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