—The Isley Brothers, “Who’s That Lady?”

Charles presses print and hears the printer wake up and begin spitting pages. He stretches and shakes himself. I think I’ve finally got it, he thinks. After numerous false starts he’s finally satisfied with his approach to the character of Jesus. Yah, he thinks, pulling a Marlboro from the nearby pack, this is just sacrilegious enough to make them think. Jesus, the son of a rich man! A man who made up stories about his origins because he knew no one would believe the soul of a rich man. It’s just what Chip and I were talking about the other day. Continue reading “4. Screw that lady”

—Stephen Stills—Love the One You’re With

John Mittney, successful hedge fund manager, putative savior of the Olympics, and staunch Republican, put one booted foot up on the square prop hay bale and smiled at the small crowd. “Corporations are people my friend,” he said with a twinkle in his slate blue eyes.

“No, they’re not!” shouted several in the crowd.

“Of course, they are,” Mittney said. “Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to people. Where do you think it goes?”

“To the Mormon Church,” screamed one man.

John was taken aback by the outburst. In all the hundreds of political meetings he had attended in this campaign and the one four years ago, nobody had had the temerity to bring up his faith. While Mittney acknowledged that some Mormon beliefs were outside the general Christian mainstream, he was a Christian and had struggled to remove any whiff of scrutiny of his religion from his political life.

Continue reading “6. There’s a road and at this end love / Where the eagles fly when you’re done”

Fall Out Boy—Bang The Doldrums

Wow, thinks Charles, sitting at his keyboard. Wow, wow, wow!

Charles had been stuck for months on a single point in his latest attempt to start his novel: Who is the second witness to the Second Coming? He had relentlessly searched on Google to try to get a clue, from the Bible, from the Book of Mormon, from Mandaean scripture, from a host of other minor religions.

Continue reading “7. I believe in the rapture, below the waist”

Destiny’s Child’s—Say My Name

Charles drives over to Chip’s house. He tries not to go there too often since Chip’s wife Trixie felt they had enough visitors, what with church folk constantly coming by to seek Chip’s advice, blessing, or to help him with various house and yard chores. The house is a low, long, cinder-block-walled, flat-roofed, typical south Florida home. It was painted, badly, an institutional lime green.

Charles knocks on the front door and Trixie lets him in. Charles can’t tell if she’s annoyed that he’s come over or just peeved to be interrupted.

“Hi, Charles. I was just stripping the kitchen floor. Damned ancient linoleum. Stupid church building committee won’t pry loose the money to replace it. Ruins my nails whenever I have to do this.”

“Wow, you never hear of anyone having to strip the wax off floors anymore. What a bummer.”

“To live is to suffer, my daddy used to say.” Continue reading “9. Say baby I love you / If you ain’t running gay”

Allanah Myles—Black Velvet

Aleister awoke to find his familiar, his wife Rose, at the foot of the bed. She had the faraway eyes that signified a possession. “What is the matter?” he said. He was worried, as she had recently said that she felt she was pregnant.

“There is something you must know,” Rose said. “A being of great power wishes to communicate with you.”

“Can’t he wait until after my breakfast?” Aleister pleaded.

“He comes now.” Rose fainted to the floor and a voice came into the room. To Aleister, it appeared to emanate from a corner of the bedroom. The voice was neither high nor low, but deep, musical and expressive, and spoke unaccented English. Taken aback, Aleister sat upright in bed and clutched the bedclothes to him.

Continue reading “10. A new religion that’ll bring you to your knees, like Velveeta Cheese”